The Gravity of Letting Go
Getting let go was like being punched in the stomach. Betrayal, grief, rejection, almost like a part of your identity being ripped away. Then underneath all of that a quiet sense of relief. The desire to move on had been there for a while but the courage to make that decision had not. So the universe made it for you and ten years of repressed emotional baggage came tumbling out.
Six months passed before other opportunities even felt approachable. Even then applying for another corporate job felt like going back to the gulag.
Reflecting back, a lot went wrong. The work was there, the effort was there, going above and beyond was there. But fulfillment was not. Not with the role, not with anything being offered. That kind of emptiness shows itself in a lack of enthusiasm, a lax demeanor when serious conversations come up. Sometimes the best in the room, sometimes barely in the room at all. That earns a certain reputation and it is hard to overcome.
Embracing your part in molding the outcome is the difficult thing. The trajectory was self made. The skills needed to progress were never developed, boundaries on personal time were never set. There was a belief that the sacrifices made were merit enough and that recognition was owed just for enduring. But a lack of self worth reflects in the way others treat your worth and the environment becomes a direct reflection of what is happening inside.
Ten long years to learn one thing. Pushing in a direction that does not resonate with who you truly are is in itself self sabotage. Time and effort do not matter if you are heading the wrong way.
Now the breakup gets celebrated. The rejection. It was the wake up call needed to get serious and figure out what was actually wanted out of life. Go back to another corporation and grind for someone else's dream? No.
It is not perfect and being the best at what you do is not the point. Building something that brings value to those who choose to give you a chance, bringing that value in a medium of your own expression. That is the point. Building a business is not for the faint of heart or those with responsibilities pulling them in other directions but having the ability to reinvent and take the plunge into the pool of unknown is a fortunate position.
It is scary and it takes a lot of work. But work hours were never the problem, it was not having a goal, a mission, a plan. That was the biggest sabotage. Aligning your goals with who you are as a person creates forward momentum, the kind that fuels relentless effort into those you help along the way. Sometimes that motivation is not something that comes from inside, sometimes it is a force outside of yourself. A pull you cannot explain but cannot ignore. Where it comes from does not matter. Walking towards it does.
A few words of self reflection.
We are but a collective of experiences. Some intertwined, others a singularity.
Most of us will stay floating around with no true meaning or purpose letting the cosmos decide our fate. Some of us will experience the attraction and move towards something that is greater than us, the ebb and flow of those attractions affecting our trajectory, our decision making, our very end.
Others will feel the attraction passionately. We will focus on a singular trajectory and round our way towards that gravitational pull that allows us to burn brightly. Returning into nothingness having no witness of our journey.
A select few shall glimmer in the night sky at just the right moment, a singular event that inspires. Even fewer will leave their mark on this world with deterministic intent and motivational impact.
Wake up. Take hold of your fate and wield it as your weapon. We ride into battle not knowing the outcome, we enter the fray knowing any moment will be our last. Shoulder to shoulder we march towards nothingness into the inevitable clenches of death.
Love as our motivator, passion as our driving force. For when we meet the darkness it would have been to our own dismay.